This is a film that could be many things: a dissertation on quantum physics, the merits of biological warfare, a sociology experiment. I’m betting it’s a recipe for some kind of exotic cookie. There’s a narrative in here somewhere, damned if I know what it is, though. There’s a good chance I’m wrong about all of this, after all, I’ve only watched 5:15 so far. Yes, I’m writing a review as I watch the movie I’m reviewing. What’s the problem, here?

To be honest, I never understood movie reviews. They tell  you too much, in my opinion. I want to be surprised (don’t show me a trailer, I’m satisfied with a teaser). It’s okay to just tell me if it’s good or bad, if you’ve seen it, but that’s all I really want to know. Do you like horror? This is a great horror movie! You like science fiction? This is an awful science fiction flick! It’s that simple. That’s all I need to fucking know, and that’s all you fucking need to know. So here’s my review of Palm Tree Asphalt.

It’s a great movie. If you liked that shaky camera shit in Blair Witch Project, you will love this film. If you liked Yellow Submarine, you will love this movie. It is depressing, enlightening, spiritual, mundane, truth. More than anything, it is truth. Whatever you think truth to be, is probably a lie, and Palm Tree Asphalt can prove it. This is a movie that provides hard evidence for everything it claims. It is the song Tool was trying to write when they composed “Ænima”. How’s that for an emphatic endorsement?

Well, I’ve watched it, and I will soon watch it again, and maybe one more time. Have I said too little? Have I said too much? I mean, are you even interested at this point? I hope you’ve read this review all the way through, because I don’t do this shit every day, I hate doing reviews. This is a rarity, and a special occasion. You can help make it more special, by seeing this film.

Oh, and it’s by… Ummm… Tawd b. Dorenfeld (Polymorph Productions), and stars unrepentant pot smoker Tzvi Peckar the Third.

Find your way to POLYMORPHproductions, and check out Palm Tree Asphalt at Amazon.