Surprise! You didn’t see that coming, did you? Yes, I am black, or African-American, if you choose. I should probably let you know that the person in the image above isn't me, I’m hung like a chihuahua, and they don’t allow elephants in the building where I live.
I will do my best to make this as short and painless as possible, mainly because (like most people, I guess) I hate talking about myself. It always sounds like I’m bragging, and once I start, it’s hard as hell to put on the brakes.
One way to describe me in basic terms is “thug nerd” (just don’t ever call me that). I’m smart, and I’ll fight if I have to, but I’m smart enough to know that settling differences without violence is a strength. Growing up, I was the kind of kid who would help you with your science homework and take down the bully who was harassing you. This might have something to do with my being autistic and bipolar (my actual diagnosis is autism with a co-occurrence of ADHD, or AuDHD). I’m empathetic, kind, and loving, but I’m “ugly” when I’m angry (which happens a lot less these days). From grade school up to now, people have always called me “crazy”. I was a quiet, straight-A student, but I could be wild, weird, and unpredictable. When I’m feeling happy (or having a hypomania episode), I’m literally Nicholas Cage. I love deeply, and I’m fiercely protective of the people I care about.
Since early childhood, I’ve been into all genres of music (even polka and country), butrock and roll was the only music that made me feel like a god and a sweet “fuck you and fuck the world” attitude. That changed when my mom and stepdad moved the family to St. Croix in the United States Virgin Islands (there are three). It was there that I became “black”. I began studying African and African-American history and getting involved in cultural events. My mother was the one who pushed me in that direction. That woman was my bestie, and always entertained my interests, whether it was science, art, or history. Before my parents split, my dad had built a library in our home, from which I stayed engrossed in the world of knowledge at my disposal. I had a microscope and a telescope, and every other month, I would receive packages from the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) and the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) full of information about the space program, general astronomical papers, and photographs of nebulae, planets, and interstellar space.
I have always loved the occult art and occult imagery, but I hate superstitions: astrology, religion, ghosts, etc. If you never want to be my friend or girlfriend, just ask me what my zodiac sign is, and it’ll never happen. I’m agnostic, and the sciences are probably what I’m the most knowledgeable about. I never earned a university degree, but I can discuss any subject with any professor. I’m embarrassed when others praise my intelligence, and mortified when I’m called a “genius”. It’s my opinion that people use that word to describe people whom they think are smart because they know something that they don’t; it doesn’t mean the person they’ve branded a genius possesses extraordinary intelligence.
How does an intelligent, well-mannered gentleman end up with so much criminality in his timeline? That is one question I couldn’t answer for you. Some of it was out of necessity, and sometimes by chance. I’ve known people who were in the Mafia (I once dated a girl who was the daughter of a mob figure), Irish Mob, and street gangs, but these were all people whom I happened to meet. I once served as a bodyguard for one of the biggest drug kingpins (had no idea they were real until then) in New York. There was a period when I sold drugs, took drugs, and committed a few crimes here and there; all of the typical hood stuff. I’m a great thief; as a teen, I stole books, as a college student, I stole booze. Aside from a ticket or three, I’m fortunate to have no criminal record. Most hustlers are loud about what they do; I was an unassuming nerd, and bragging is something I’m awful at. The line in that song where Biggie Smalls says, “Real bad boys move in silence”? True.
For several years, I was an on-again, off-again activist, speaker, and protestor, and I was part of a few “radical” organizations (one of which ended up with me being surveilled by the FBI). I never committed to the struggle because, from time to time, I would get frustrated by the indifference of people ignorant of what was happening in the U.S. and around the world. I felt like I was wasting my time until the next police shooting of an unarmed African American; rinse, repeat.
I’ve lived on both ends of the societal spectrum. I was hungry and homeless at one point. While sleeping on rooftops, on couches, and on the subway, I taught myself to build websites, manage social media, and navigate the web. I don’t know what drives me, but I’ve been in situations where most people would have given up. Being homeless didn’t depress me, though; I actually enjoyed myself regardless of my circumstances. Two years later, a tech company in California paid for me to join them in their West Coast offices, and around the same time, a CEO at a clothing company I worked for labeled me the “Social media guru” for the work I had done for his company.
I’ve been on the red carpet at galas, dined with the wealthy in their homes, and met some amazing models who made for great company. This was the result of a luxury e-mag I founded and published for six glorious years (I built Neuerotica on its ashes, so if you go back far enough through our articles, you might see some of those stories). Then the pandemic killed it, and here we are.
For a while, I was an incel (that’s a story I promise to write about someday). It’s not that I had a problem having a sexual relationship with a woman, but I wanted a girlfriend; someone to walk the streets with, hold hands, the whole megillah. Unlikely as it may sound, every woman I’ve ever been in a relationship with initiated sex because I don’t know how to. I’ve always said that had it not been for these women, I would never have had sex; if we didn’t do it the same night we met, it would have happened in less than a week. Eventually, I started dating like a normal human being, and I even got married once. None of my relationships has ever ended acrimoniously, and I’m still friends with every woman I’ve ever been in a relationship with, including my first girlfriend from when we were teenagers. I didn’t take advice about women from men; I learned about them from other women. Every positive personality trait I possess came from women at various points in my life, so if you think I’m chill, you can thank them. My two favorite kinds of women are brainy and zany; I’ve been blessed to have had women in my life who are both.
For my entire adulthood, I’ve felt like a kid, and occasionally act like one (sans the immaturity). There were times when my apartment became a hangout spot for teenagers who were cutting school to drink and smoke cigarettes and weed. Their parents knew, more or less, but weren’t too concerned since I had been friends with all of them, and they could always call and ask about them if they needed to. One kid’s mom threw him and his belongings out into the street late one night and told me that I could take him in if I wanted to, so he ended up living with me for about a year.
I haven’t always been a decent human being, though; being an incel aside, there have been times when I’ve been the opposite. This was from the 90s and early 2000s. The worst thing I ever did was do nothing when I should have; sadly, I was a repeat offender in that regard. For roughly ten years, I hated everyone and everything (long story), and the me of today can’t reconcile with the me of yesterday. All of the wild shit I did during that period, I can’t imagine doing now. I was out of my mind, and that’s no exaggeration. The differences between who I was back then and who I am now are stark.
On the social tip, when I’m not writing or out getting shit-faced with friends, I’m at home reading books and comics, watching anime, or doing it up with my “brides” (juicy story for another time). Some of my favorite anime are Hell’s Paradise, Symphogear, High School DxD, TOUGEN ANKI, and Gachiakuta (I also grew up on old-school anime, and my first writing gig was a review of the Blade of the Immortal manga). I’m a hardcore romantic, so, of course, I’m into romance anime like My Dress-Up Darling. I occasionally read manga as well.
I want to end this bio with a note on my relationship with Neuerotica. I have a knowledge of and appreciation for languages, cultures, music, and art that spans centuries and continents. When hyperpop (and the badass musicians who made it) came into my life, it affected me like nothing else before. When I was a kid, I wanted to do something for other kids. But life can sometimes get in the way of your goals, and either stall your progress or completely derail them. I think my experience with the whole subculture and the Gen Z kids awakened that smart, rebellious kid in me who wanted to help other kids. It forced me to commit to the struggle. While I built Neuerotica to help young artists realize their dreams, it’s also a thank-you and a tribute to the young people who brought me to where I am now.
Anyway…
Most of the other stuff about me, you wouldn’t believe, so there’s no point in writing about it here. Others who know me have told me I should write an autobiography, and if I live long enough, I may get around to doing it someday.
